Dealing with becoming a single parent

Well I have been on one hell of a rollercoaster ride recently. Life's been crazy hard, but i'm trying to put a positive spin on everything. Whilst i'm currently writing this, I have the WORST toothache ever, and I have like 2 days until I have an appointment at the dentist, so i'm looking at it as at least i'm gunna lose a bit of weight (Also I know that this is not a healthy way to lose weight, but i'm trying to put a positive spin on this current pain i'm in).

When everyone else gets to nap but me..

Becoming a single parent is never going to be easy, first off it's the breakdown of a relationship, and depending which side thats initiated by there might be some hard feelings to deal with there too. At the same time as dealing with that, you need to make sure you set yourself up in a one parent home and have all your 'ducks in order' (that's the saying right?).

I had to get the tenancy agreement for my house changed to solely my name. A process I swear my ex wanted to make as difficult as possible. I feel that when you become a single parent there is a lot to organise, this is completely the most important. Even if you move, just make sure you have some funds for a deposit. I was very lucky that my property managers were SO caring about my situation, and i have always paid my rent half a month in advance.

Still on finances, I4 stupidly allowed all child benefit payments and tax credits to be paid into my ex's bank, so I had to get these changed, the more proactive you are and quicker you do it, the easier it is going to be in the long term.

With the financial stuff aside, I had to organise childcare to fit around pretty much just me and my job, and to not rely on anyone else. I've had to deal with a lot of lies in my life so I know that I can only really rely on myself and my close family. To be honest, I just don't feel like there are that many people I would trust enough to look after my son.

When you become a single parent the most difficult aspect is never having a break. My son spends time with his Dad every other weekend, but stays here every night. There is pretty much zero time off for me. Be prepared to do ALL  the hard  work, disciplining, dentist and doctors trips, (all the Ds there), the sick nights, the night wakes, the attempting to figure out when to potty train. All the decisions like that are now in my hands. There are so many aspects to everyday life that have sort of changed for me. In all this when you do get time off, make sure to remember who you were before you became a parent, to find love in the things you enjoyed doing before, with such a small amount of spare time you must fill it further enriching your life and doing the things you enjoy.

It's strange how much one person can change, when they are suddenly solely accountable for a small human being. It's not all difficult ,there's lows and hard times sure, but I also get to enjoy seeing my son grow and develop everyday. I get to see his personality and habits come through daily. The afternoon sleepy cuddles are the best, which make me the happiest person ever. When he comes and grabs my hands, and pulls me through to a different room to show me something he's excited about, I literally am so proud of the tiny boy I created and grew inside me, and there is no love that compares to how I feel. I kind of like that I solely get to experience the majority of these things along for the first time, maybe that's a little selfish but it is the way it is now.  Taking both parents roles is challenging but sometimes the only option. It's also the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

(EDIT: Just to end, I finished this like 2 weeks after the toothache and I have been to the dentist, i'm fine now. Also I don't encourage people to choose to become single parents, but i'd like to think that with everyone that is a decision that takes a lot of thought.)


All The Love Friends!

xxx

My Biggest Fears

I've always wanted to be open and honest on this blog, which I have, and I aim to keep it that way, despite what some people 'suggest'.

I guess mine, and Fletcher's, lives have changed quite abit recently, from routines, shift patterns with my job, and general life things too.
 I've been a  single parent for just under 2 months and some days, honestly, it is the hardest thing, purely because Fletcher seems to be in the terrible twos. The word 'no' brings about the worst meltdowns ever. But, I am getting there. Doing everything alone actually gives me much more purpose, and a huge sense of accomplishment, Before, I couldn't imagine doing everything alone, however now I am proud I do and can. I'm so proud what I can do and can provide alone for my son. I mean I am not completely alone, my parents and sister help.

I still have some fears in my life. That one day, some other woman will try to parent my child. I had a terrible step mother as a child (she even admitted this) and I dread to think that Fletcher may suffer the same. I'm all for people loving Fletcher and giving him attention, as every child deserves it. I just don't want a replacement mum. I guess I always need to tell myself that I actually grew him, carried him, protecting him for nine months and actually bought him into this world. That counts for something.

My main priority is to protect Fletch from hurt and harm in anyway, and providing him a stable, constant home environment. That kid is my everything.

In the last 2 months our bond has grown stronger. Fletcher's speech is behind but that doesn't stop our communication. I guess it's a mum thing, cause I just understand (the majority of the time) what he wants or needs. sometimes when he doesn't realise it too.

I fear the day when he stops needing me like he does now. I know that it is inevitable, but like I still rely on my parents for occasional help and advice, I hope he always does the same with me too.

I also fear, either being alone or unable to trust someone else in the future, and even meeting someone that will accept me as a single parent and accept Fletcher too, probably really stupid to worry about that, but I guess I do. I had Tinder , although hilarious, I have deleted it. It just doesn't sit right with me, it's just not the way I think I will meet anyone, and I'm a true believer that someone will always walk into your life when you're not looking and least expecting it.

I guess I wanna be honest and say right now I haven't a clue where life is going or what could happen in the future, but then who does ? ( seriously if you have so much figured out, tell me your secrets?) I am fully concentrating on having fun, and making sure Fletcher (in between meltdowns) is having as much fun and laughing as much as possible.

I guess if Fletcher is reading this in the future , then i want him to know, I'm trying my best. I'm far from perfect, whilst I'm trying not to scream back at you, because your screaming about not wanting to put your pyjamas on, Please know, I'm still scared that I may not be doing this right, but I really am trying my best, and when I say "no" I do still love you, although you are probably thinking I'm the worst.

Love

Kelsie (or Mum if you are Fletcher)

XXX